This Feeling I Have Today.

This feeling I have today

Is foreign, to say the least

The lines no longer blurred

What is this

 

Ive thought through the years that this was unattainable

Hope was always constant, yet offered no solution to a nagging dilemma

Just dreams of an era that was told to children

Stories

 

Yet here I am

Pondering the days of past

Ones in which led me to this fixed point in time

Contemplating if the darkness was but a dream

 

Was the nightmare merely just a dream

Were the ghoulish devils a figment

Of course they were

But they say that thoughts manifest into reality

 

Who am I to deny the cruel timeline of my life

Right minded in hindsight of events that shaped me

Crystal clear descriptions my brain conjures to provide sorrow

Like that I snap back towards the present

 

Ive learned through the years of sadness

Something

How do I make images into words

It seemed so simple at the start yet, here I am

 

Sorrow

Sadness

Dread of the day to come

Alone

 

Hope

Joy

Excitement

Humble

 

Opposite sides unravel when given common ground

They twirl together like comets in the sky

Joining together to create a symbiotic relationship

Needing each other for existence

 

A thought comes through the vale of my own shadow

The past explodes in beautiful harmony

Showering this new person with rays of pure color

Dissolving together until there is nothing

 

A blackness surrounds me once again

As I sit in vastness, I close my eyes

One breath

Then two

 

Silence

 

It envelopes me

Rendering me unable to see

Ceasing a voice that was filled with concern

Easing my heart till I do not feel it beat

 

With a mighty effort I open myself to the silent darkness

Peeking through the shadows

Breathing in the nothingness

Desperately fighting tears

 

As I sit in this state

A beautiful sight takes shape

A thousand suns could not describe

White hot, something poked through

 

Slowly it climbs through the vale

Piercing the dark with unimaginable beauty

Small and slender

Yet tough and majestic

 

A pedal appears

Then another

The bright light fades as the flower takes shape

Replaced by the color of a painters sunset

 

Who am I to witness such beauty

My heart begins to beat once more

A new feeling floods through me

Invading my soul

 

Not one of anger or despair

Nor that of joy and false hope

But something pure

Something Unimaginable

 

Peace

 

The silence bursts into oblivion

As my surrounding take shape once more

The darkness escaping to where it came

But the light remains

 

The thought came out like a raging river

Bursting into realization

Obvious

Yet hidden in plain sight

 

The flower was always there

Waiting to be seen

Patient in its approach

And cunning in its deception

 

For how could I have seen it

How could I have loved it as I do now

Would its beauty escape me

If i knew not what I was looking for

 

A smile lit across my face

Beaming for the first time in along time

The darkness had envoloped me

Hugging me, not killing

 

An old friend, once my enemy

Had shown me what hope had told me

A flower, no matter how beautiful

Is grown from dirt

And sometimes

The dirt must broken away

To give life

New life

 

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