A Letter To Depression

It has been 7 years since you grasped me by the soul. 7 years since my life altered in ways of unknowingly deep darkness. Days of sunshine, turned into grey blobs clouding the sky Nights of slumber, evading my weary mind. Love lost in the hollows of time. Never to be returned, for fear of sadness dampens my search for better days.

In that time I have lived my life to the extent of how far you let me roam. Sprinting away to hide from your ugly face has caused my legs to grow tired. Creating a body in motion to cease, and become riddled with pain. I have pushed you away to the point of collapse. My arms grow exhausted and my skin shivers with every touch. I have fallen on my back to many times to count. And have gotten up a equal amount of times.

Its a white knuckle ride to the very end. As if a car racing towards an end that seems bleak and hopeless, yet I carry on. Oblivious to the point that I see all of what you do. Ignorance replaced with knowledge that ignorance was the best route. What was once a beam of light on an empty road has been swapped for a black whole in a sea of fire. Consuming all the fire around the point of entry. Only to dissipate with every inch that it creeps towards me. Its a sight to behold to witness such destruction.

And yet… I have learned wisdom from things that bring on sadness. I have witnessed beauty from things that most people will never see. And all to often I envy them for that. To be able to push aside such foolish ideals. To ignore beauty in things that most dont even know that its there. But do not get me wrong. Envy soon turns to sorrow. For when one sees a flower they pick it. They end the beauty of life by breaking a chain of nature that we do not see. There is beauty in that as well though. Do not mistake my analogies for precise measures.

I do not hate you for causing me to see the world the way I do. Part of me quite enjoys the fruits of the labor that is required to deal with you. It would be foolish of me not to see what little good you do provide. Because what little is there, is also the biggest. One in which you have tried to destroy since day one. Hope.

You have clawed and dug your nails in so deep that you have become a second half of me. You have brought me down into the pit of despair and handcuffed me to an eternal hell. And every time I get out you pull me in with more force than the last. Quite frankly, I hate you. The cause of my sadness. But you will never break me. You can beat me down and keep me down all  you want. Go ahead, take your best shot.

And when your done know this. I will get back up. I will always get back up. If my one goal in life is to not bow to you then I will claim victory till my very last breath.

So I thank you for showing beauty in the darkness. It will serve you well when I lay waste to you.

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One thought on “A Letter To Depression”

  1. This seems too detached from the real experience. I liked how it reminds me of old writing, but too many adjectives and abstractions took some of the sense away.

    Like

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